I'm not a fan of medicine, but these drugs are good...

Thanks to drugs, I have slept the last two nights... and I plan on sleeping tonight as well! :) I had forgotten how good it felt to be rested!!! I know they say that this medicine is addictive, but I know I am addicted to the result of it at least... I'll work on weaning the medicine once my body gets into a good sleeping cycle.

So anywayz, I've been hesitant to blog about this next subject, but it is eating at me. I'm concerned with certain eyes that may fall upon this and take it in incorrectly. It is out of love and concern that I type these next few sentences. I just don't want assumptions made and the situation to become worse...

My family back home is in a little bit of a dispute. I'm not sure to what degree, as being "way up here in BG" has had some communication difficulties in the past. I know where my brother stands... and I know that he made a mistake of talking back and loosing his cool. I also know that there are strong ties between certaine family memebers... mainly father/daughters. I can't say I agree with how everything has worked out thus far. In fact, relating this situation with some past ones, I can confidently say that I don't agree. However, there has been talk of divorce... and that I can't stand to see happen again. Mickayla and Travis need two parents in the household. I don't even want to begin to think about how things could turn out if a divorce happend. In fact, when I do let my mind wander on those thoughts, I immediately start to think about how I could adopt and raise them. I would make it work. All I can think about is what I was going through at that very same age and what T and M must be thinking. They aren't old enough to understand that it isn't their fault... I wasn't. They aren't old enough to comprehend the level of trust and difficulties of relationships. They can't fathom how two people could love each other and then "all of the sudden"... not. They are simply to young, not that any age is okay to loose a parent(s).

I don't even want to think about it anymore. Probably because my memories are still to fresh... and partly because I can't stand to think of anyone else having to go through that pain. Especially T & M... let alone S... and my dad for a second time.

I need you guys to pray. With me. For me. My wish is that it was all mentioned in the heat of things and that it hasn't been thought about or acted upon since. But I have to admit... that wish dims with every new threat. And to my knowledge, this is the fourth one.