I don't even know where to begin...
... I swore more times today than I have my entire life. Granted that's not saying much, but there are three distinct times that I could point out. It isn't my nature to get that upset, but Satan hit it on the mark today. He tried to discourage me and get me off track... he failed. The trials he threw my way today have only increased my faith and my expectations of what God is going to do. What breaks my heart is that church people were used in the process. I learned a lot today. I stood up to leaders that had misconceptions and laid out my thoughts. I was honest and real. It is actually hard for me to think that I said some of the things that I did. But I have been assurred that those things were okay to say. So I'm trusting. I let key people know that I was not going to except the discouragment and that a hurdle was not going to keep me from fulfilling what God wanted done. I also made it very clear that a decision I had made came from God and that I was choosing to listen to Him and not everyone else who thought a different answer would be more appropriate.
What is aggrivating (spelling?) is that the negative was assumed by leadership before questions were asked. That doubt was feed through people that caused negative feedback. That when I gave answers to questions, a sense of shock came about... (that I could actually pull something like that off). Needless to say, I feel very much attacked. I don't know if I should be taking it personally, but when you are told that someone would feel better knowing two other people were in charge... how can you not take that personally. Yes it is a big step. Yes there is a lot to be done. Yes there are a few details not yet completed... but YES I have a God big enough to do the job and sending people faster than I can count to help. Everyone has a talent... some poeple share. Sometimes the answer for before isn't the answer for now.
Okay... I'm done. I really do feel wounded though.
God help me love those that have set up a hurdle and are involved with this process. Help me communicate effectively and tie loose ends. Help me remember that it doesn't matter that I didn't cut them, but that I need to do my part. I know You are going to do something greater than anyone expects. That's why the devil is trying his hardest to upset Your plans. I refuse to let him. I refuse to listen to him. Lord go before me. I know that You are, but I ask specifically that what came about today, would be finished today. I ask specifically that hurdles will not pop up regarding this dinner. I know that perserverence builds character and strength. And I know that You won't give me more than I can handle... personally, I think the semi truck that hit me today is enough for this event. Of course I want Your will. I want You to get complete glory.
I need Your words... I have none left. I need Your love... mine has been drained. I need Your energy... mine has been depleted. I need Your wisdom... mine has been to less. I need Your guidance... shadows have been casted. I need Your voice... others has been to strong.
I need You. I need You. I need You.
What is aggrivating (spelling?) is that the negative was assumed by leadership before questions were asked. That doubt was feed through people that caused negative feedback. That when I gave answers to questions, a sense of shock came about... (that I could actually pull something like that off). Needless to say, I feel very much attacked. I don't know if I should be taking it personally, but when you are told that someone would feel better knowing two other people were in charge... how can you not take that personally. Yes it is a big step. Yes there is a lot to be done. Yes there are a few details not yet completed... but YES I have a God big enough to do the job and sending people faster than I can count to help. Everyone has a talent... some poeple share. Sometimes the answer for before isn't the answer for now.
Okay... I'm done. I really do feel wounded though.
God help me love those that have set up a hurdle and are involved with this process. Help me communicate effectively and tie loose ends. Help me remember that it doesn't matter that I didn't cut them, but that I need to do my part. I know You are going to do something greater than anyone expects. That's why the devil is trying his hardest to upset Your plans. I refuse to let him. I refuse to listen to him. Lord go before me. I know that You are, but I ask specifically that what came about today, would be finished today. I ask specifically that hurdles will not pop up regarding this dinner. I know that perserverence builds character and strength. And I know that You won't give me more than I can handle... personally, I think the semi truck that hit me today is enough for this event. Of course I want Your will. I want You to get complete glory.
I need Your words... I have none left. I need Your love... mine has been drained. I need Your energy... mine has been depleted. I need Your wisdom... mine has been to less. I need Your guidance... shadows have been casted. I need Your voice... others has been to strong.
I need You. I need You. I need You.
posted by Erica at 8:54 PM
1 Comments:
Rah, rah, sis, boom, bah! Here's your pep rally for the day!
"Sometimes the answer for before isn't the answer for now."
That's an awesome insight and statement! Know that I'm praying for you. Those who know you well are in your corner, praying and ready to help. I am VERY proud of you for how you are taking everything to Christ and leaving the results of your labors to Him. It relieves the stress! You've also showed remarkable composure, maturity and discernment of our enemy's tactics. It's him, not them. To a degree. :o) Keep your eye on the goal.
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