I'm tired...

and I'm tired of being tired. Life has to many obsticles right now for me to feel drained all of the time. Other than two nights ago when I took drugs in order to sleep, I don't remember the last time I woke up feeling better than when I went to bed... and now the doctor is telling me to sleep less? I understand his theory is that I will exhaust my body even more and hopefully sleep longer hours during the night, but having not slept normal in a year should have already done that, yes.. no? I'm not the expert, but I know how my body feels... and it isn't good. What I need to do is start walking again, but the weather and this mono thing doesn't help that at all. With my glands and organs being swollen, that pretty much limits me on what I can do... other than the fact that I can't go very long without feeling weak.
I don't know what else to do? I've managed to "get through the day" for so long that even getting by is to hard.

The hardest thing about all of this, is that I can feel and see my emotions going through this tremendous up and down cycle. I hate that! I know that I am in a better mood when my energy is up in the mid morning and that it is worse when my energy gets low. I recognize that, but I've been to tired to even try and change it. It takes to much mentally to have to check myself and think about it all of the time... and yet if I don't stay aware of what is going on with my emotions, I fall super short of being the person God is calling me to be.

Why? ... is my only question right now. I'm even to tired to cry.

Anywayz, I could go on about how I feel, and it wouldn't matter. All it is doing now, is keeping it on my mind and frustrating me even more. I need for something to change... and to change soon. I can't do this anymore. I just can't.