Dear friends of mine, please read knowing that I love and cherish the depth and value that you add to my life. I also greatly appreciate the words of encouragment and times of sharpening that you obediently provide. The following is not said with a discouraging or frustrated spirit. It is simply me, taking what God has given you to say, and trying to process it all.
I tend to become quiet in crowds. The bigger the crowd, the quieter I become. This happens in any setting. Staff meeting, church, family gatherings, class, hanging out at friends' houses... anywhere. One on one, I get my share of the conversation. Three... I listen more. Five to ten... I have typically spoken when spoken to and more than that and I go into silent mode. I've always been that way. (Not saying that I will always be that way.) It's just who I am in social settings. Part of me (at this time) strongly feels that it's the way I was made.
The thought process comes in to play when I am involved with a community that is there to share life together (referencing church). It's on the larger side of the scale and I have been near silence, if not completely silent, during the study and share part of the evening. Things that I have felt greatly pressed upon my heart have been shared... it's just been a few weeks. Not that God doesn't talk to me. I learn quite often and am actually in a very consistent learning process right now. So why is there nothing pressed upon my heart to share?
Some thoughts:
1. I like to have thoughts put together before expressing them. If they are not put together, I can't get them out verbally. Therefore, having been in a continual thought provoking, learning frame of mind... nothing is solidified to where I can "teach" or share it with others, yet.
2. The larger the crowd... the quieter I am. Some may feel I can't use this as an excuse... and maybe I can't. But for now, my introverted personally is dominant.
3. My verbal skills are far less than written. That's a scary thought. :) Being able to type this out... I'm actually just now able to put into words thoughts that have been banging around in my head for the last week. Not to mention the bonus of being able to reread these and change as necessary or continue the thought process that I continually abandon.
4. Everyone contributes to the body of Christ. What if I'm the ears. Ears don't speak. They listen and then relay the information to the brain for in depth thought processing... which gives to the mouth for verbal contribution. Does this mean that I can never speak up? No. But does it mean that my times of speaking may be less frequent than my times of listening?
I'm not sure I got anywhere except for having a formal, written thought process.
Last night (at church) I prayed and asked God to give me something to share or a question to ask. Several times... throughout the night. Nothing came up! No random thoughts no pressed upon my heart statements... blank. It's not that I'm not willing. At least I don't think... if it is, the Lord needs to reveal that to me. It's just unknown at this time. Which I guess is why I am on this specific journey at this point in time.
So... there it is. Comments, sharpening, encouragment... welcomed.
I tend to become quiet in crowds. The bigger the crowd, the quieter I become. This happens in any setting. Staff meeting, church, family gatherings, class, hanging out at friends' houses... anywhere. One on one, I get my share of the conversation. Three... I listen more. Five to ten... I have typically spoken when spoken to and more than that and I go into silent mode. I've always been that way. (Not saying that I will always be that way.) It's just who I am in social settings. Part of me (at this time) strongly feels that it's the way I was made.
The thought process comes in to play when I am involved with a community that is there to share life together (referencing church). It's on the larger side of the scale and I have been near silence, if not completely silent, during the study and share part of the evening. Things that I have felt greatly pressed upon my heart have been shared... it's just been a few weeks. Not that God doesn't talk to me. I learn quite often and am actually in a very consistent learning process right now. So why is there nothing pressed upon my heart to share?
Some thoughts:
1. I like to have thoughts put together before expressing them. If they are not put together, I can't get them out verbally. Therefore, having been in a continual thought provoking, learning frame of mind... nothing is solidified to where I can "teach" or share it with others, yet.
2. The larger the crowd... the quieter I am. Some may feel I can't use this as an excuse... and maybe I can't. But for now, my introverted personally is dominant.
3. My verbal skills are far less than written. That's a scary thought. :) Being able to type this out... I'm actually just now able to put into words thoughts that have been banging around in my head for the last week. Not to mention the bonus of being able to reread these and change as necessary or continue the thought process that I continually abandon.
4. Everyone contributes to the body of Christ. What if I'm the ears. Ears don't speak. They listen and then relay the information to the brain for in depth thought processing... which gives to the mouth for verbal contribution. Does this mean that I can never speak up? No. But does it mean that my times of speaking may be less frequent than my times of listening?
I'm not sure I got anywhere except for having a formal, written thought process.
Last night (at church) I prayed and asked God to give me something to share or a question to ask. Several times... throughout the night. Nothing came up! No random thoughts no pressed upon my heart statements... blank. It's not that I'm not willing. At least I don't think... if it is, the Lord needs to reveal that to me. It's just unknown at this time. Which I guess is why I am on this specific journey at this point in time.
So... there it is. Comments, sharpening, encouragment... welcomed.
posted by Erica at 8:42 PM
1 Comments:
Dear girl, perhaps by the next time you meet you will feel that there is something that you have learned and want to share after reflecting on the previous weeks discussion..? Perhaps you have been wrestling with a question since the previous week - sharing that often leads to great and very helpful discussion.
Perhaps the discussion leader could ask for thoughts/insights/questions from the preious week as an opening? I'm not there, so I can't guess how it is set up, but I know and trust you that when you DO have something "edifying" to say to the group, you will! That's been my experience with you!~:)
Love, Ma B
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