the little girl in me...
is still looking.
Have you ever had something hit you so hard and stir up emotion so quickly, and yet you didn't know why?
I experienced extreme sadness today... and it came quicker than anything ever has before. The thing that threw me, was that I didn't even know why it hit so hard. What happened was sad, but it hit much deeper... on a personal level.
I was watching some movie. I don't even remember the name, but a line in the movie broke my heart. The base of the movie is around a mother who looses her life giving birth. The father denies it at first and dives into work. After failure entered the work environment, he realized his failure in his personal life. He decided to find a less time consuming job and raised his little girl. After 7 years, he finally decided to go back to the big city and try getting the same type of job he had before. His little girl didn't take it very well, and in the midst of an arguement, he yelled...
"You and your mom took that away from me 7 years ago, and all I want is that life back."
(I don't know if that is exactly the set of words, but close enough to get the picture.) I was shattered. Like I said earlier, it was on a deeper, personal level. It was as if a memory very similar to that scene had popped into my mind. I had to leave the room. I have yet to explain to my friends why I left.
Anywayz, as I was praying and crying, I asked God where this was coming from. I knew it was deeper than just a role in the movie. I'm still not 100% sure, but there are things that I do remember that I can connect it to. After the divorce, my dad tried to only get custody of my brother. Even though I know I would not have gone to live with my dad, rejection was still an emotion that ran through my body.
There were other things that I connected it to while I prayed, but those have left me now. I started praying that God would heal those wounds. It's amazing how you think something in your life is finally finished... and how something else so small can rip it all apart again.
Have you ever had something hit you so hard and stir up emotion so quickly, and yet you didn't know why?
I experienced extreme sadness today... and it came quicker than anything ever has before. The thing that threw me, was that I didn't even know why it hit so hard. What happened was sad, but it hit much deeper... on a personal level.
I was watching some movie. I don't even remember the name, but a line in the movie broke my heart. The base of the movie is around a mother who looses her life giving birth. The father denies it at first and dives into work. After failure entered the work environment, he realized his failure in his personal life. He decided to find a less time consuming job and raised his little girl. After 7 years, he finally decided to go back to the big city and try getting the same type of job he had before. His little girl didn't take it very well, and in the midst of an arguement, he yelled...
"You and your mom took that away from me 7 years ago, and all I want is that life back."
(I don't know if that is exactly the set of words, but close enough to get the picture.) I was shattered. Like I said earlier, it was on a deeper, personal level. It was as if a memory very similar to that scene had popped into my mind. I had to leave the room. I have yet to explain to my friends why I left.
Anywayz, as I was praying and crying, I asked God where this was coming from. I knew it was deeper than just a role in the movie. I'm still not 100% sure, but there are things that I do remember that I can connect it to. After the divorce, my dad tried to only get custody of my brother. Even though I know I would not have gone to live with my dad, rejection was still an emotion that ran through my body.
There were other things that I connected it to while I prayed, but those have left me now. I started praying that God would heal those wounds. It's amazing how you think something in your life is finally finished... and how something else so small can rip it all apart again.
posted by Erica at 8:40 PM
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