God is moving...

... and I'm not sure which direction He is moving. I'm just waiting... hopefully patiently.

The last 20 hours...

burnt fingers...
roughly 100 kids...
hotdogs...
basketball...
sleep!!!

last basketball game...
7 great girls...
no actual tears...
award ceremony to come...
next season :)

It's been awhile...

... and yet I'm not sure where the time went. I do know one thing, I wish more of it went by in sleep. I don't know what is wrong with me. My blood work came back normal... which is good, but now we have to do more tests. The doctor will be scheduling a sleep study early next week. The medicine they gave me a week and a half ago is not working. Well, okay... it is working, but it makes me dizzy and stays in my system for half of the next day... and, I feel just as exausted. So how is it working? Well, it does put me to sleep in less time. I haven't tossed and turned for an hour before the initial falling asleep. But... I've decided that I'm not going to take it anymore. If I am going to feel tired... I might as well not feel dizzy on top of it! :) I just want the whole process to be over.

So tonight the school PTO is having a carnival event. My hidden skill of balloon sculpting has been found. Granted the skill isn't that good, but there is always room for improvement. Needless to say, I am the one making all of the balloon animals, hats and swords tonight. It should be fun. I don't know how many kids will be there... oh well...

Gotta run... I might try and sneek in a nap before going. :) If only...

Funny story...

In one of our Early Childhood rooms, a teacher was sharing the story of the first Montessori School in Italy. She explained that the picture was 100 years old and that Maria Montessori was standing there with the children she taught a long time ago. So, the story continued and the kids were dismissed to choose work. A couple of the kids decided to get a closer look at the picutre. The teacher stayed there to further answer any questions the kids may have before putting the picture in a safe place when one of the little girls asked (while pointing to an older lady with her hair in a bun and wearing a long dress)... "Is that Miss Erica!?!"

Just goes to show you that they have no concept of time... :)

Jumping thoughts

I'm not even sure where my thoughts are starting. Things are moving around so quickly... yet the answer is obvious.

God wants us to be purified and puts us through tests to get through that process. Titus reminded me of that today. Yes I've learned, but I haven't learned everything. Yes I've given, but I haven't given everything. Time is not up. Period.


Okay, so for some lighter thinking matters. :) My roomie has ventured on a life experiment. I think it is great that she has stepped out and has opened her mind. I admire that!

So now I'm thinking... "Why can't I have a life experiment?"

I'm not adventuring on the same trip, but I have found something that I hope will provide fun and income! Are you ready? Are you sure? Cause you know... I could wait for a few days, leave you hangin'... okay, okay, okay... A MYSTERY SHOPPER! How fun!?!? Get paid to shop in stores and eat out. I can work as much as I want... as little as I want. Not only do I get paid, but I also get reimbursed for the things I purchase and the meals I eat! I think it will be fun and with summer coming up... a little extra money is always nice.

I didn't faint!!!

So I went to the doctor today. They sucked blood out of me for more testing and gave me more medicine. :) This medicine is non-addictive and I can take it everynight to sleep!!! I hope it works. If so... the testing is done. If not... on to more tests.

Anywayz, my mother asked to use my photographs as her artwork for her new office. I know that she is my mom and that she loves everything I do... (well, almost everything:)) but it is pretty cool to know that my stuff is displayed somewhere!

When life gives you lemons...

... squirt it on lobster (or so says a commercial). Well, I've been given a few lemons lately... I'm just waiting on the lobster to squirt it on! :)

It is always good to know when healing has taken place. I believe that some relationships are on their way there... and for that I am thankful for. The last few months just haven't been as enjoyable. It isn't always easy, however. I feel like I am learning a lot... and a lot was put before me today. God as my strength, I listened, broke down, shared and continued to listen some more.

I know that I didn't talk as much as they would have liked. But I'm not one to be able to spit out my thoughts as quickly. I learned very young to think things through... and if needed, take time to process them correctly. I also have learned that some of my thoughts need not be expressed. They are healthy for me to work through, learn and grow, but they are for me. I know that I shared what God wanted me to share. I started praying as we sat down and stayed in communion with Him most of the time. He was able to beat down the lies the devil was trying to feed me. He was able to calm me down to get out what was needed, and He was able to glorify Himself in my words at the very end. I think that is what I am most thankful for. I really needed to express it correctly and have not been able to find the words in my mind... until it was time to say them. I now have more confidence in being able to come to a decision by the end of the week. Things that may have been assummed... I hope were taken care of today.

Emotionaly... I'm better.
Spiritually... I've realized that I am much stronger.
Physically... I'm still exhausted. Speaking of which, I am having more lab tests done on Wednesday. I'm not sure what the next step is, but I'm trying less expensive options before moving into the thousands of dollars. :) Pray that the correct problem will be found and treated... Life wasn't meant to be lived exhausted, and I refuse to keep going like this.

So I've decided to dig into this not sleeping thing more. I'm not sure where it will lead, or even if I'll get answers, but it is worth a shot. The biggest hurddle, is that some tests I may go through are not cheap. Praise God for insurance. :) However, it's still going to leave me with bills in the 100's. Isn't that the story of life? Medical bills on top of other living expenses.

Anywayz, I got a phone call today. Some friends want me to be the photographer for their wedding. It will be fun! I was reassurred that they aren't looking for the "professional" expensive photos... just some shots to remember the event. I, of course, will get them as professional as I can. I'm a little nervous. The perfectionist in me wants it to be perfect (imagine that :) )!

So I've decided to dig into this not sleeping thing more. I'm not sure where it will lead, or even if I'll get answers, but it is worth a shot. The biggest hurddle, is that some tests I may go through are not cheap. Praise God for insurance. :) However, it's still going to leave me with bills in the 100's. Isn't that the story of life? Medical bills on top of other living expenses.

Anywayz, I got a phone call today. Some friends want me to be the photographer for their wedding. It will be fun! I was reassurred that they aren't looking for the "professional" expensive photos... just some shots to remember the event. I, of course, will get them as professional as I can. I'm a little nervous. The perfectionist in me wants it to be perfect (imagine that :) )!

To deserve was the wrong question...

... asking if we deserve anything implies we have earned something through either positive or negative behavior. It is an end result to a process. But God has called us to a life that has been redeemed through grace. We have done nothing to earn where we are. We are because He Is. Period.

Therefore, we must live as if He Is and not think as if He is not. We can not live life thinking on selfish terms of what we get/or don't get, nor can we live expecting to get what we have earned or deserve. We don't need to earn anything. We have everything given to us freely.

So how does this apply to me now??? The obvious (to me) is that I have found another layer of selfishness that I need to die to. The world and how I think about it has been opened up in front of my eyes. I've never been one to think people deserve good or bad based upon behavior, but as I travel through life I may find more than I've noticed before.

This also applies to me now, in a sense of what God wants for me. I feel like I'm over the first hurdle... and the whole race is still to come. I can see the end... I just can't see what is there to greet me.

What do we deserve?

Wealth?
Goods?
Homes?
Sleep?
Respect?
Health?
Understanding?
Freedom?
Comfort?
Anything?

... Just something I've been thinking about. Some answers seem so obvious, and yet...

I don't know. My mind is in conflict with itself. Where is the line of basic needs? And not just with materials, but with emotions and physical needs as well... and is that all God wants or expects us to have? Have we become so selfish that we have uped the standards? Even if we have uped the standards, is that okay with God... or even what he wants us to have?

Okay, I'll quit asking questions and just go think about these. :)