Being still...

... is starting to drive me nuts. :) Just a year or two ago I could be by myself for days and not even blink. I welcomed the time alone. But today... I struggled to spend less than 12 hours alone. I'm taking this as a good sign. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed today, but I am ready to be around people and hang out with my friends tomorrow.

So a horrible thing has happened in my hometown. The news is now calling it the Farm House Massacre. (Is the spelling even correct?) It is a horrible thing that happened. I can't imagine. A high school senior about to graduate (literally hours away) and kills his grandparents, mother, two young girls, trys to kill his sister, and then turns the gun on himself. The police do not know what the motive was, and hope that the sister who is in critical condition in Columbus will be able to help. What caused this young man go crazy? Not even crazy, but desperate. What went through his mind? What cries for help did he give that no one saw? My mind can not wrap around the whole situation. The mom was a teacher in the Bellefontaine school system. I don't think I had her for a teacher, but if I am putting the right family with the name (and there were two different families with that last name - not related), then I know some immediate family members who are drastically effected by this. Keep them in your prayers.

Well, I just got a cake out of the oven and I need to finish it! I also need to decide if it is going to work or to group. Decisions, decisions...

I love days off...

... those extra days in the week other than the weekend. They are so helpful when trying to get caught up around the house. Laundry, sweeping, dusting... doesn't it sound like fun! :)

Okay, not really... but it is nice to get these things done.

Got 'er done

The flower bed that is.

Okay, not totally, but it is well on it's way. I think I only need one more "bigger" plant and then it will look better. I'm not sure what to do for the covering. Mulch has been used in the past and it is all over the place. It is even several inches down in the dirt all mixed in! I don't really like the look of mulch and I can't stand the smell, but it doesn't look that great with mulch mixed in with the dirt... even though I put a new thin layer of dirt down. What to do, what to do. And something needs to happen with the outlining of the bed, but I don't feel like doing that right now. That could be next year's big project. Cleaning out all of those overgrown plants was enough for this year.

So for the first time in 8 years I ate steak tonight. I was at the Jersey house for dinner. They said it wasn't that good. I didn't have anything to go off of. It tasted fine to me. :) The funny thing is, I ate red meat last night as well and had made a comment that I was good to go for a few months... and here I had it within 24 hours. Oh well.

I like raisins.

Sorry, random comment. But I'm eating some tasty raisins for a snack. :)

Okay. I think I hear my pillow calling my name.

Oh nellie...

I have never seen a child be so disobedient in my life! Unbelieveable. There were two that spent most of the afternoon with us in the office. They came a total of three times! AAHHH!!! And they are in my room next year! :) (Deep breath)

Anywayz, I'm lovin the warm weather. I am glad that it didn't rain today. Maybe I'll be able to get something done in the flower bed... then again... I do have dinner plans with a family... so maybe not. :) Someday. Soon.

Things to smile about today:
:) 5 days of school left! But I'm not counting.
:) 4 weeks of vacation coming soon! ... maybe a trip to Cali!?!
:) Another wedding to photograph in the fall.

My weekend...

*Surprise Party
*Tile painting
*Sun bathing
*Flower bed destruction
*Movie
*Church
*and a 16 hour nights rest!

I know, I know. 16 hours... but apparently I needed it. I woke up when my alarm went off (1 hour after I feel asleep) and couldn't move my muscles were so heavy. So I went to sleep again thinking I would wake up within the hour and be able to proceed with my plans. Well, I was wrong. Sometime in the middle of the night (I don't know exactly when) I changed clothes and reset my alarm to go off at the right time this morning. Since I've had mono... I think I've slept like this three or four times now.

Things to smile about today:
:) a refreshed spirit
:) God's strength

Since Mon...

Part of me can't believe that I haven't blogged since Monday, and the rest of me can't blieve that it is Thursday! Where did the time go?

Things to smile about today:
:) Co-teachers
:) Paychecks

Fun stories from the day

I know I've blogged already today... but there were some funny stories that I walked away with this afternoon.

As you know, I observed in the classroom today. The kids associate me with the office (which is expected) and one little girl must have thought that I was there to watch for "bad" behavior. I was observing from my chair and she was working at a table near me. In the middle of her work, she leaned over and wispered, "I hope you don't tell Miss Marie anything." I wanted to bust out laughing, but I didn't. I don't know what she was concerned about. She is the perfect Montessori child.

Later, a child was working on a land formations booklet and wanted to write her last name on the front. The teacher confirmed that she could go ahead and her response was, "But Miss Tricia, I only know T H O." (Her last name is Thomas.) This may not be as funny to you as it was to me, but my first thought went to S.D. Love ya...

Okay, I'm off. I have to get dinner started!

I had forgotten...

... the art of being able to teach an individual lesson and watch the entire class at one time!

Today I am observing in the classroom that I will be teaching in next year. I am having fun. I can't wait to sit in on the afternoon session. I've been able to work with a little girl that (when put with two others) can cause a loud environment. I was ble to have her show me some of her favorite works and connect with her on a level that, hopefully, she will respect me at next year. I've also been able to see some things that I know both Tricia and I would like to see changed for next year. There is so much to do. I need to not let myself get overwhelmed!

Not only am I looking forward to the afternoon session, but I am also looking forward to the rest of my day. I'll be having dinner with Michelle and then going to two (what I'm assuming will be very cold) softball games. I love watching this sport and love hanging out with "the wives" even more. They are such good friends. Not to mention excellent examples for me to follow. :)

Things to smile about today:
:) the trinomial cube
:) a new beginning

A couple of things are weighing heavily on my mind tonight.

1. The desire to have a family to be with and serve on Sundays. At this point I'm not aggrevated that I don't have it, simply looking forward to those days and thanking God that they will come. (I say at this point because I tend to get frustrated in this area of life every once in a while.)

2. A friend that needs Jesus. I know there are a lot of people out there that need Jesus, but my heart is burdened for this one at this point in time. I'm not sure what role God wants me to play, however. I'm not sure if I'm the one to push. He, without question, needs a strong male influence in his life, but is it okay for him to have a strong female influence as well? The problem (if you haven't guessed it) lies in the fact that He is a boy (duh) and I am a girl (ditto the duh). There is an age difference so I'm not concerned as we have been friends for a while. But when you help someone discover all that God has in store for them, you naturally grow closer and spend more time together, and I don't want the rumor train in our community to start blowing it's horn. And I know I shouldn't worry about what the community thinks, rather concentrate on what God wants, but it's too strong. Inviting him to group activities is a great solution. But when it comes to getting him to talk and think specifically about where he is, that has only happened one on one. Which is understandable. Who wants to think out loud about something you don't understand in a crowd of people. I don't!

So... that's what's on my mind. Any thoughts or suggestions are welcome. For now, I'm laying low until God is obvious about what to do. I feel the need to not only protect myself, but him.

Things to smile about today: (yes, I got this idea from my roomie... but it's a good one! So why not join the party?!)
:) worship
:) friends
:) softball
:) the power of the Holy Spirit (which reminds me. There's another friend (female, my age) that I really want to reach out to and begin a lasting friendship with. Pray with me that God will continue to have us conect and be able to talk about Him. We're having dinner tomorrow before the softball games!)
:) email

Spring cleaning...

... you have to love the smell (even when it drives your allergies nuts!) Tonight my roomie and I started a spring cleaning that is/was well needed. Bathrooms were scrubbed, refridgerator cleaned out, a few cupboards cleaned out, a closet and the laundry room were also reorganized. As my roomie said... "yeah, we're kickin butt!"

Okay... we're going to watch National Treasure... gotta go.

Any day now...

... my brain can come back to me! I don't know what is wrong, but I have lost it! :) The doorbell rings and I pick up the phone. I need a phone number for a county office and I find it for the wrong state. I go to make copies and I don't put the original in the copier. I leave heading towards a potluck and I forget the only thing I am taking. I try to do to many things at one time and I lock my keys in my trunk! I'm sure there are more!

Locking my keys in the car!!!!!! I've never done that. So my car is sitting by the musical arts building, in a fire exit, where I have been unloading hand bells and I was on my last trip. The keys got put in the trunk so that I could lift the last thing out and I shut the lid. Brian (the pianist who I was practicing with) decided to leave the handbells in the rehearsal hall, go to my house where I open one of the ground level windows... all ready to climb in... when Brian discover that the back door is unlocked. So... not only have I locked my keys in my car... I have left my house unlocked for the world to get into. I tell ya... count me insane.

I was reading last night in 1 Thessalonians.

"We always thank God for all of you, mentioning you in our prayers. We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you, because our gospel came to you not simply with words, but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and with deep conviction. You know how we lived among you for your sake. You became imitators of us and of the Lord; in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with the joy given by the Holy Spirit. And so you became a model to all the believers in Macedonia and Achaia. The Lord's message rang out from you not only in Macedonia and Achaia - your faith in God has become known everwhere. Therefre we do not need to say anything about it, for they themselves report what kind of reception you gave us. They tell how you turned to God from idols to serve the living and true God, and to wait for his Son from heaven, whom he raised from the dead - Jesus, who rescues us from the coming wrath."

2 things stood out:
* your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love and your endurance inspired by hope
* The Lord's message rang out from you

To be known and remembered in this way. Imagine the life they must have lived and the changes they must have made. They must have changed their culture that they lived in while their neighbors continued living in the "norm". There is now way they just mixed in with the crowd. Whatever the life style was, whatever the activities and hobbies that they held... they were with the culture but not in. I wish I could read a diary from someone in the Thessalonian church.

Yes I've made changes, but thus far in my life... would anyone be able to say this about me. And not just anyone, but a non-believer? Someone who doesn't know the "signs" to look for?

So how do you make these life style changes, without moving to a "mission" field, and be part of the culture but not in it? Is the simple answer of opening your home to your neighbors/coworkers on a consistent basis really all that needs to be done... at least physically. Spiritually is a different story!

I'll keep searching and if you have any input... let me know.

It's not all about you!!

Ok.. just needed to say that before I left work.

Driving and deer and semis... oh my!

So I've been up and down the western side of Ohio today (or should I say down and up) and had quite the frightening experience on the way home. I've had to stop for deer before, but this time they were closer and when I looked in my rear view mirror... a car and a semi were really close on my tail. If I would have had to slam on my brakes any harder, I might have been rear ended. But I wasn't and my car didn't get hit and two young deer have now (hopefully) learned their lesson about US 68 traffic!

I went mushroom hunting today. We didn't find much... one and a half to be exact! Most of the group forgot what we were doing and just walked along... the rest of us, well I guess the mushrooms were just to well hidden. I wish we would have found more. It has been so long since I have had fried mushrooms. They are so good!! (and if this qualifies me as a hick... then so be it :) )

Oh... more excitement today. My brother was showing off on his four wheeler and doing pop-a-wheelies (spelling?). The first one was successful. Then, he went out on the road, was all by himself (meaning there was no one to show off for) and tried to recreate his new "talent". Needless to say, it didn't work. He couldn't get his four wheeler to go back down and when he finally did, it bounced, throwing him off into the ditch and he landed on a steel post. He is so lucky he isn't hurt worse than he is. He hurt his wrist, but claims that it is ok. He also has a scratch by his mouth on the left side of his face, along with a bigger scratch on the left side of his forehead, topped off with a goose egg/scratch/bruise between his cheek bone and eye on the left side. It looks like he may have hit the right cheek bone as well, but he says it is "sun burnt". I think the accident scared him. He came right back and put his four wheeler on his truck. Granted he left shortly there after to go riding with friends, but I'm sure he went a little easier. My guess is that he will have one really cool looking shinner and possibly even two. I'm thankful that he didn't take his eye out, or hit his temple.

Well, I must be off to bed. Have a good night!

Drama

I know that my nickname is Drama Queen, but come on. Is life from here on out this whir-windy (yes, I think I just made that word up ;) )? My thoughts are going at a crazy speed. And my emotions are not helping.

I need to make a decision... and probably the sooner the better. What I am having a hard time doing, is removing my emotions from the situation and looking at it from an "objective" point of view.

As you know, a few weeks ago I resigned from my job. I went through quite a bit to get to that point, including rethinking the wrong decision I had made. I didn't feel like I wanted to leave the school, but knew that the current position was not where I was suppose to be either. So, for the last few weeks, I have been talking to people and really able to share what and how God is working in my life. I went through the separation anxieties of leaving a comfortable place and also grieved over leaving. And over the last week or two, I have really become excited about meeting new people and possibly working in an environment that would allow me to be in contact with different people on a regular basis.

And then this morning came around. After applying for a job yesterday, a job became available in my own work place. I wouldn't really call it a promotion, but it would be an increase in pay (even though money isn't important, having more than $100 left over every month for gas and groceries is exciting to think about). I would be in a classroom, co-teaching with a wonderful lady and having great co-workers to help aid my easing back into the classroom.

So here are some of the thoughts that have gone through my mind today:
I could stay in an environment that I am familiar with.
The minor increase in pay is good. :)
Is this God opening the door or a path that branches off of what might be the "better" road?
Would I enjoy the teaching environment again? I left teaching a year ago... was I wearing too many hats and couldn't enjoy it anymore? Would I learn to enjoy it again? Do I have the patience to work with this age group?
Although this seems to be a common sense play, is it God's common sense or an earthly common sense?
Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill?
I don't have the burning desire to be a teacher anymore...
When I think about not taking the job, my heart isn't broken.
I still have some excitement about experiencing new things.
This job would allow me to have the summers off for missions and/or photography.
Faith has always felt to me like I was taking the next step before knowing where my foot was going to land... now that a path has been revealed, why am I hesitant to run?
As of now, it is only a one year comittment. If it isn't right, then in one year I am in the same spot as today with a stronger resume. But can I sign a contract knowing that it may only be for one year. They need to get a teacher in that room that can establish leadership and be able to become head teacher within a few years.
I can't predict the future... I haven't even done a good job of predicting the end of the day!
Is it common or healthy to jump around to so many jobs withing the same work community?
It would calm my nerves about insurance.
I would use my degrees more directly.

There were more, but I'm tired. I'm promising myself to not make a decision for at least 48 more hours. I need more time to pray.

Pray for me, objectively. I want to do God's will. If this really is a choice of mine and not a right or wrong path, then I want to be confident.

Accordian Lessons anyone?

:) I'm sitting in my room listening to an accordian lesson down below. The student hasn't been playing that long and it sounds pretty good... if you like that tone. I do think that it is cool that a young person (18 years old... I think) is wanting to learn a folk instrument. I just have to hope that bag pipe lessons don't start in my home soon! j/k

Today wasn't that eventful. The norm at work. Answering phones, sending sick children home, confirming more cases of pink eye. Yes, pink eye. I think we are up to 20 cases of it now. It's crazy. Three more teachers and a few more kids got it over the weekend.
I applied for a job today. I'm not sure what the income would be, if I am hired... and that would determine some things, but I can't imagine that it would be less than what I do now. It's in God's hands, right?! :)

What is God trying to tell me?

Ever wondered this question? Well, I am. And I'm not sure of the answers. Or answer. It could be as simple as drawing closer to Him. Knowing what He wants, verses what I want. My desire is that those two things will be the same. But are they, and will they be soon? How do you get it there? Is it as simple as praying that God will renew your mind and spirit to be one with His? I think prayer is a big part, but I also think that choosing to stop your thinking patterns and making them go in a different direction is also a part of this.

So the question now is what thinking patterns do I need to change?

Huh.... God just said that I need to write all of my thoughts and then line them up with the Bible. Those that don't fit, need to split!

Guess I'm off...

It gets me everytime! No matter the mood... It can make me smile :)

So today was relaxing. I didn't really do anything productive. I did practice my talent of sleep. I think it went rather well. Considering how tired I was when I went to bed... the 13 hours of sleep I got did me good. This past week I was dragging. I think I now have had a little boost. Granted, I'm saying this six hours before I have to be up and running! I guess we'll check back in on the dragging issue in a little while.

This next week I really need to buckle down and find a job. It has me scared. A little uneasy. Early this week I briefly bought into the lies that I am not good enough to find a great job. I know this isn't true and I just need to keep telling myself that. I'm not sure where to start, however. I want to make an appointment to go to the career service center on campus. I think that is my best bet. I don't really want to go through an employment agency. I've been there, done that before, and although it worked out, I had to jump through a lot of hoops inorder to be where I could have been if I had only interviewed with the business directly. And that job wasn't even enjoyable. Praise God it was only a summer job. :)

Anywayz, that's what's on my mind. Job, stability, the next 25 years...

Sweet dreams