Well, my impatient, impulsive side got the better of me this weekend. I've been wanting to get my hair cut for a week or so now... so, saturday Tonia and I went to a Fiesta. You never know what exactly you are going to get when you go in there, and so I took the chance. Needless to say, I did not get what I wanted. Not even close, actually... except that the ends now flip out easier. Anywayz, Tonia and I got to laughing so hard when we stepped out of the door. I don't know what the lady's idea of flipped out was, but it wasn't the same as mine. I looked like I was put in a wind tunnel with hairspray. It wasn't even an organized chaos... it was just chaotic. Almost an 80's punk rock gone way bad... It took me almost 30 min. to get it calmed down and lay in a style that was reasonable to be seen in. I really haven't had much time to play with it... I hope I learn to like it. Everyone says it looks cute... but I hate it. :) I have the mushroom head effect going...

Over the holiday break, my family (me not included) took a vote. They decided that I was moving back to Logan County. I'll admit that I like the idea of being close enough to see my family at the drop of a hat, but I like it up here too. And right now, this is where I think God wants me. I guess I haven't checked lately, but I haven't felt Him move me anywhere else. In fact, He has created leadership responsibilities here that I interpret as staying put and help develope and further the ministry. My family doesn't get that. They just want me home. Maybe in the far, far future. We'll see... in my mind... it's all up to God.

And there in lies a touchy situation... the "it's all up to God" part - (I would ask if I was normal, but I can only imagine the responses I would get... so I'll rephrase it.) Is it possible to be able to let God completely control one area of your life... and not others? And is it possible to let God completely control every area of your life that He has shown you to give over and yet be disappointed or hesitant as to what is really going to come about? Is it possible to feel an overall sense of peace about something, but have an emptiness at the same time? Does it show a lack of trust or an abundance of impatient moments when the emptiness is there and you have to force yourself to not focus on that, but the underlining peace?

I don't know... and I don't know if I'll ever know... It's almost as if God is letting me look through a window where only I can see the life that is waiting for me... and they can't see me to invite me in.

I have to go. I'm afraid I'm not good at thinking things through. If I continue typing I may put myself in a state of complete confussion... and I already can't find my way.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. It will be nice to see friends and listen to how their Thanksgiving break went.

Isn't it good...

to spend time with family
to sleep in
to eat good food
to relax and not worry about deadlines and projects
to have amazing technology surrounding us to make life more "enjoyable"

to be loved by God and wake up everyday with a shower of blessings waiting to be poured on you...


I am very thankful for many things. What has hit me this year, however, is that I need to express my thanks in great detail, more than just once a year. I get so caught up in life that I forget the things I am thankful for.


Being home has been a blessing. As usual, I have met more family members that I didn't know I had. The joys of living "down south" I guess... :)
My dad got a puppy this past week. It is a full german shepherd. She is beautiful. Her name is Sheba... german for honesty. She is only 18 weeks old, but looks older because of her size. And her paws.... they're huge!!!! She is going to be a very big dog.

Anwyaz, I gotta go. I'm on my brother's computer and he doesn't know it. :)

I love the fact that I am able to sit at my mom's house and get on line, with my computer and the same service that I use in BG. All I had to do was find a local number for dacor and... whala... I'm on!

Anywayz, tomorrow is a big day. Only two dinners to go to! and I only have to cook for one of them!! It will be such a blessing to be around my families. I just saw the Armstrong family at the wedding, but it will be nice to be able to socialize more with them and not be under the pressure of a schedule.

Wow, I thought I would be able to write more, but I can't. My eyes are burning. I need to go to bed!

Good night.

music, trees and pies to come...

I'm sitting in my kitchen listening to music being played by my room mate and one of her friends. It's pretty cool. They are playing folk music. Rachel on the accordian and Rhena on the violin. It is a really neat combination. It's like a festival in my living room! :)

To make it even more fun... I'm looking at my newly decorated living room. I got bored this morning, and with boredum always comes a big project that entails more than I can do. But, nonetheless, I go for it anywayz.
The couch was moved slightly (although it was in three different places before it got there), the chairs and hopechest are also slightly different because of how the couch is arranged. And then there is the piano. I moved it. Yes, I moved the piano. It was quite the funny thing to watch. I'm glad that no one was here! It use to be angled in one of the corners. Now it is flush against one wall. I was using one of the walls as my base that I was pushing off of while my back and hips were pushing the piano. It didn't take long, but it took a lot of energy. So, I was left with an empty corner. What else do you do with an empty corner than put a Christmas tree in it?!?
I had fun! I think I spent three hours on the tree. I'm not sure. I didn't put a watch on today... so who knows exactly how much time I spent doing anything.

My other option today was to bake some pumpkin pies from scratch. That required going to the store to get evaporated milk, however. Somehow... I think that might have been the easier option. Oh well, I'll enjoy doing that later this week. The pumpkin has been cooked... I just need to throw everything together.

Well, I'm off. Not sure what I'm going to do, but something I'm sure. I should probably clean up and finish putting everything back together. Boxes need to go back to the storage shed.

If you get a chance...come by and see the tree!

I'm tired...

... and not just because of the mono. It is time for a break. A long break. I love my job and everyone there... I just need a break. Trying to please more than one person (more so when expectations are different) is beyond my accomplishing right now. Normally I'm up for the task, but not today. And not tomorrow.

Grandpa update

Well, I've now heard that Grandpa is home from the second round of testing. They can't find anything wrong. The blood tests came back negative (which is a postive thing), but they still can't find what is causing all of the pain. My dad reminded the doctors that the last time they did these tests, nothing showed up, and Grandpa ended up having a heart attack. But, until something signals a concern, the doctors won't do anything.

Anywayz...

I've been living life a little differently this week. I like the change. I hope it is something that I can create into a habit.

Sunday Pastor Scott spoke about passing our faith on to our children. And although I do not have children, it was a great lesson to hear. The main theme that I got out of the entire teaching, was to keep in mind that how I live today will effect many generations to come. My attitude, my actions, my thoughts and my prayers. They all matter. They all have a part in determining where and how the future will take place. If I keep a negative attitude, a negative spirit will run through my family to be... however, if I choose to have a positive attitude, hopefully those around me and my family to be will choose to look at life in that manner as well. The same holds to true with every part of my life. So... I have asked myself multiple times and pray that I will not forget to continue to ask... "In 100 years... will this decision matter, will this disagreement be of significance, how will this point in time be an impact?"
I have to admit... it has changed some actions and attitudes already this week. I hope that it continues to be a tool that God uses to make me more like Him.

The end of another day...

I'm not sure if there is really a lot to say. I did find out that my grandfather was released from the hospital, even though they do not know what is wrong with him. I don't really like that decision. Does it mean that it isn't life threatening? Or, am I not getting most of the picture, due to a huge lack of communication in my family (which is probably the case), and there is more going on and laying in a hospital bed won't do anything for him? I don't know. And I don't want to go on the assumption that no news is good news because that is not the case in my family... sometimes. no news could just be... "oh, did I not tell you that?"

Anywayz, today was kinda rough. It started with Tammy calling me at 8:45 because I had yet to show up for work. (I'm suppose to be there at 8) I was still sleeping... so I hurried and got there by 9:45, but still... not fun to start that way. The last two days have been hard, physically, too. I don't know what has changed, but I feel worse than I did before the weekend. I don't know... just another low point in the whole mono illness, I guess. I can't wait for it to be over.

I wanted to type this earlier but couldn't get my computer to get on-line... which justifies the following even more. :)


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!

There.... I hope that helps.

Man alive! I can not stop hickupping!!! This is driving me nuts. I've tried everything... even thinking about my last lie. (Which there are none to be had... I don't think...) Actually, wait. I just lied. I haven't tried everthing. I've only tried a few things, but I don't feel like standing on my head or doing other crazy stuff. Well, I'm going to try and not think about it.

So, I've received two cute cards lately. Well... one is cute the other is just plain funny. The cute card has two babies standing with their legs apart and bending over so they are looking through their legs, and on the inside it says... "you and I look at life the same way."
The other card, has a cartoon picture of a waitress taking the order of a couple sitting at the table with a text bubble that reads... "What's this tampon doing behind my ear? And where did I put my pencil?" Then you open it up to "How's your day been?" I about died laughing when I read it! Can you imagine!?! I don't want to.

Anywayz, to completly change the tone of this blog... my grandfather is in ICU. My uncle took him to the hospital yesterday with chest pain, lower back pain, arms aching and severe headaches. They are still doing bloodwork, but have a least determined for now that it isn't life threating. But that's for now. Unfortunately, this grandpa has had past heart complications, they think the current issue is minor strokes... and he had cancer a few years ago that he refused to finish treatment for. So... who knows how it will end.. at least short term. I'm not sure of his salvation. If I had to guess, I wouldn't like my answer. My prayer is that he encounters someone who knows and loves the Lord and who isn't afraid to share it. I've been praying that it would be a roommate once he gets into a "regular" room. In all reality, I don't care who exactly, as long as it is someone.

Well, I must go. There are things to do.

Out with the old... in with the new

I've slowly been entering this new stage of life where I can not stand any clutter. It is driving me nuts to look at things (my bedroom in particular) and see items that have not been touched in years, except to be moved. I can't stand it anymore, and it has to go. The only problem is that I also hate to throw things away. Junk, yes. Have used notebooks, pens and random arts and craft stuff... what do you do with it all? I don't feel like I can give it to anyone because it has been used, but I don't feel like I can throw it away, because it hasn't been used up! It's a vicious cycle that can end any day now.

Despite this cycle, I have been able to get rid of two trashbags full. Papers from college and old markers that don't work, etc. I can't believe I let things build up this much. And there is so much more to go through. It is actually quite overwhelming when I think about it.

Nonetheless, things have to go. I want simplicity. I need simplicity. I've made life much more chaotic than it needs to be. Both in materials and activities.

The more I think about it, the more I'm looking forward to the new lifestyle that is ahead of me.

... more inspiration to throw another trashbag full away before bed! :) Night

Only down south...

... are you the Maid of Honor for your Aunt - who is 11 DAYS older than you.

... are you adopting an Uncle that is 1.5 years younger than you.

... do you find out that you are related to the Best Man and one of the Groomsmen, during the Bridal party dance, after having spent the past 36 hours together.

... do you attend a wedding where over 50% of the vehicles driven are trucks... including some of the Bride's maid's vehicle.


So I'm sitting here, in my living room, missing the community meal for the first time. It saddens me... to not be able to be there. I'm not so sure if I like it. In fact, I know I don't like it. I've had to miss out on a lot lately, and it is only the beginning of it all.
Thurs. the docotor called and said that I have mono. He told me that I wasn't allowed to work for a short period of time and that I couldn't do anything active for at least one month. I told him not working wasn't an option. Not being active is going to be a chore. My life is so fast pace. Not to the point of exhaustion, but having this dead hault put on is definitly not cool. I think I would have been able to attend the meal tonight, except that the wedding took so much energy out of me. I was upa total of 7.5 hours on Sunday and I've only been up for 4 hours today. It is unbelievable to me how much I have slept lately. I wake up feeling pretty good, but 2 to 3 hours later... I'm ready to go to bed. I hope that I can go to work tomorrow and accomplish all that needs to be done. I did it for two weeks before knowing for sure that I had mono... I should be able to keep going.... right?

Anywayz, the wedding was beautiful. I am very honored to have been the one standing beside Tonia. I'll never forget they way her and Daniel looked that night.

The reception was a blast! Yes, I did find out that I was related to 33% of the groomsmen! I guess they are 3rd cousins of mine. How odd is that?!? We had the special dances, cut the cake, full course meal (not in this order) and lots of laughs. One of my responsibilities, was to collect the money for the dollar dance. Someone gave $50.00 to dance with the Bride! I knew right then that I need to be getting married soon!!! ;) J/k... although it would be nice.
Oh my goodness... my hair. It was cute, but so not me. I can't wait to get the pictures back. My hair was a cross between pippy longstocking and cindy luhoo. There was so much hairspray in it that it took multiple washings to get it out. You should have seen me trying to undo it. You would have laughed. I had to take pins out, pony tails out, and yes... I had to untie my hair! There were several double knots in it.

Anywayz, I've been up for 2.5 hours and, unfortunately, I'm getting tired again. I need to finish my cards from the Fall Festival and get some laundry going.