a minnie-me

So last night I had all of these different plans made of things that I wanted to do and accomplish, and not one of them got done. Instead, I was so tired when I came home from work, that I started to take a nap around 5:00p. The nap ended when I heard my roommate come home at 9:30p, at which point in time I thought it was pointless to get up, so I went back to sleep until 7:00a this morning! 14 hours of sleep... It has been forever since I have slept that long. And yes, it is possible and does happen once every few months. It took me until noon today to fully wake up. I feel much better, to say the least.

I just got off the phone with my aunt, who is getting married. Things are going well and I can't believe that the shower is this weekend! I feel like I still need a week or two to plan, but in reality, I don't have that time. I think that I have most everything done. I need to get a few fun items for a game... maybe some small decorations... and I'm sure more last min. stuff that will come up at the last min. :) Nonetheless, I think everything is going smoothly. She invited 55 people!!! I've only heard from 26 of them. Well, not all 26, but a few of them are aunts who I know are coming because they are helping with the food... so I'm pretty sure that there will be at least 26. And then there will be the people who will come even though they did not RSVP. In fact almost 10 of the people that I am now counting did not tell me... they told the bride! People down south crack me up! Sometimes I'm amazed at how differently things can be just 2 hours south... (there is obiously more to this, but I'll leave it be)

So my sister is starting to learn the clarinet. Most likely it is because it was the instrument that I played when I was in band. She also wants to learn the piano... because I play it, and sometimes she'll go up to her room and changed so that she is wearing something similar to me. She is 10 now and really starting to become her own person, and to tell you the truth, it scares me that she wants to be like me so much. Despite the fact that we have different mothers, we look almost exactly alike. In fact, my mom's family are always amazed at how similar her looks are to the way I looked when I was 10. I know that some of our mannerism are different, simply because she is being raised by a different mom who is way different than my mom, but nonetheless, she makes noticable efforts to be like me, more and more.
What's really hard is that I am an 1.5 hours north and only get to see her about once a month, and even then it is only for a few hours. I know that she wishes I would come home more often, but my schedule doesn't allow it. Yes, I choose what is in my schedule, but it's hard to maintain a life up here and still be a big sister down there. We've never lived together, which, in a way, makes things easier. She has only ever known me to live there on some weekends... and even then she was too young to understand what was happening. So, for most of her rememberable childhood, she has known me to live in BG.
The thing I am most thankful of, is that my faith has rubbed off on her. I'm not sure how often she goes now, but for a while she went to church every chance she had with her great grandmother, because that was the only person who would take her. I know that with little prompting, her heart can be guided in the right direction. I am very thankful that God has protected her. Her heart is still easy to work with and has a desire to know more. She just doesn't have an alley for that to happen easily right now.
I fully believe that she will be the one who will lead my dad, stepmom and two brothers to Christ. It saddens me that I will not be the one, but I know that I have lived an example for them. I know because they make comments. Even the negative comments that they through towards me come through a lack of understanding of what it is like to really live. They, well, dad, has made several comments that he would attend our church if he lived closer. So I guess the mission is to find a church back home that is close enough and authenic. The only problem is... I can't go to different churches on Sunday and find one for him and he is to shy and unmotivated to find one himself.
You know... I just remembered that I had given him a Bible for Christmas last year. For a week or two he would call me just to tell me that he had read in it that day. I haven't heard about that in a long while. I think I should start asking again and see if I can get him to read. I know he started in John... I wonder how far he got.

Wow... lots to pray for and think about. I'm in way over my head... it's a good thing God is in control!

mmm... mmm...

So I surprised myself this evening with a lovely meal. It was one of those moments where you realize that you haven't been to the grocery in... well, I'll leave out how long it has been since my "BG mom" is reading this... and you go searching through your shelves for food items that belong to you. I created quite the dish, if I do say so myself. It's simple really, and may already exist, but oh well. I took deer meat and ground it, macaroni noodles, cream of chicken soup, shredded swiss cheese and shredded pepper jack cheese and mixed it all together. Let me tell ya... for being broke, it's a good meal! And so much of it. I think I have, well... at least 8 more servings, if not more. Of course... I did ground all 5 pounds of the deerburger! :) I, without question, will get my protein this week.

I'll need it, however, as this week is just the beginning to a very busy month. Tomorrow night is my only free night this week. Next week I have two meetings on Tuesday, one each on Wed. and Thurs... of which I will not be able to attend because I am leaving the state... oh, a bridal shower this sat., a wedding to get ready for the first week in Nov. and a gathering for 150 to 200 people that, as of today, needed to be moved to a different weekend. Thank goodness we didn't advertise it yet! I've also been asked to lead the Drama ministry. I need to speak to a few more people yet, but I think it may work. I've actually written two skits this week and, from what I'm told, they are good. The actors/actresses that will be performing them will put final touches that will make it, however. And I enjoy writting them. I will not act, but it is fun to use my never resting brain to create these different worlds and the characters that live within them. There are ground rules that need to be established, if I really do take on this ministry, as I can not be writting things at the last min., like I have for this month. It's kinda wierd... the more I think about it, the more excited I get.

Anywayz, I really should get to bed... or at least start heading that way.

Good night!

Title? I'm just to tired to think of something creative!

Whew... I'm sitting here after a long week whishing that my weekend wasn't half gone already! I'd be in bed half asleep by now, but I came home this evening realizing that I had no white clothes for tomorrow! So, now I'm waiting on the washer to complete its job so that the dryer can start and I can go to bed. :)

Today I spent the better part of my day helping dear friends of mine. I've always enjoyed helping people and it gives me no greater joy than to help those that I love. Besides... I think we all learned a little more about each other, and that is always beneficial. It was so good to laugh, say oops and move on. To not get all frustrated in the details... although some frustrations were had. We were painting... and sometimes those little white spots on the wall get you more bent out of shape than it is worth. Not to mention all of the outlet covers! They, without question, do not lack a choice of where to plug things in!

I feel like I should say something super spiritual and profound right now. But to be honest... nothin's goin on inside my head right now. Nope... just double checked. Nothin.

So, I guess I'll get off. Maybe play some mindless card game and continue to wait.

Good night!

Rubberbands and Paperclips

You know... I never thought about rubberbands and paperclips and how they were directly related to my life. I know used them in my first blogs as examples of how God has put my life together, but a whole new view has been brought to my attention.

As far as paperclips go... I'm not sure if I hold everything around me together, as mentioned in a comment. Sometimes I feel as if I'm holding nothing together... rather, I'm waiving my arms around creating a disaster.

But rubberbands... I never thought of my character in relation to a rubberband and how God stretches it. It's actually kind of neat when you start thinking about it.

Rubberbands need to be stretched. It's their purpose (along with holding things together). If they are not stretched on a regular basis, they snap at the first sign of expansion. But if you continue to stretch them and use them... they can last forever.

We were meant to be stretched too. If we don't stretch our character, how can we become more like Christ? And those that have experienced a longer period of time not allowing ourselves to be stretched, feel as if we are going to snap at the first sign of growth. (myself included) The awesome thing is that when we do snap... (because everyone of us try to do things on our own strength) God's grace is more than enough to pick us back up, tie the ends together, and start stretching again.

The parts that broke, with the ties now holding them together, they never go away. Rather, they remind us of when we once were broken and how God put us back together.

A name... and a really good one too...

So I've had a few "heavy" blogs lately. I'm really not this sad, empty, woe-is-me-and-my-life kind of person. I have to admit, that I have felt a greater sense of peace since Sunday afternoon. I know God knows what I am thinking at all times, but it was as if He just wanted to me to get it out. Just to say it, not just think it.

Anywayz... today was good. I went and visited the home of the Clark's. We (Global Connections) will be having an Autumn Auction there (that I am in charge of). The house is absolutely beautiful and the land that it sits on is even prettier. All I could think of, was wishing that I had my camera. I was also very encouraged to watch their reactions as they listened to what I had planned. They seemed to think that the ideas were great and that they could be pulled off with a little bit of help. I hope the event goes well. I've never really planned an event for 150 people before. I think it will be fun anyway!

We are going to have folk music, hopefully the H2O band (if not maybe the Naz band, but I haven't said anything to Chris yet :) ), volleyball, soccer, coloring contests, pumpkin carving contests, hay rides, pizzas made in pie irons, duck-duck-goose, charades... and many more things. It should be a blast. Now all I need to work on, is getting people to the event! What a chore... and I don't have a clue on where to begin!

I'll have to figure that one out as I go, I guess.

Anywayz, I'm off to do some research. This whole wedding planning business has now come up a third time by a third party that didn't even know about the other two. I don't know if it is something I'll really do, but I think it would be fun to look into and think about.

A name... I'll need a good name to start out with.

Alien... is the only word that comes to mind.

Before anyone who reads this starts to flip out on me and begins to think things that may not be true, please note that I am just trying to sort out my thoughts and get them in order. What I am about to type, I feel often on Sundays. My goal here is to get to the bottom of it and figure out why. My mind has a few answers, but nothing that I feel is correct... at least for the source.

I am without doubt blessed here in BG with the number of friends that surround me and encourage me on a daily basis. I think that is why what I am about to say is so confuzzling for me and makes no sense whatsoever. I wish that I could just dismiss what is going on in my head, but the truth is that I have felt this way for some time. I know at one point I didn't, but it has been to long for me to remember when that point in time was.

So what is it that makes no sense? I feel out of place.

I know I have a number of groups that would welcome me at any time, but I feel as if something is missing. Everyone has at least one other person close that can be their be-all, do-all. A sister, brother, mom, dad, spouse. I have those too... well, most of them :) but they are an hour and a half away. And that tends to make them feel a million miles away. I really miss belonging to a family that lives under the same household. That eats meals together, shops together, cleans together. I guess I'm homesick. But if feels so much stronger than that. I don't feel like I need to pack up and move back to Bellefontaine. That is actually one of my last thoughts. I just want so desperately to not feel alone.

Like I said earlier, knowing that I have so many friends that are dear to me, that last phrase of feeling alone sounds rediculous and almost idiotic. How can I feel so alone when at any time I could call less than 5 people and have something to do or someone to be around? Does all of this come down to selfishness? Should I buck up, get over it and bask in the blessings that God has so willingly given me?

I don't mean to sound ungreatful for the things that God has given me. I truely believe that my friendships here are the source of who I am blossoming to be... someone I would have never transformed into back in Bellefontaine. I know God is moving. I know that this is where I belong. I know I have more growing to do.

I just can't seem to escape from these feelings. I honestly do not want them.

One of the hardest things for me to do lately, is to be around families. I think that is why Sundays are so hard. I wouldn't change a thing about our church. I love how family oriented we are becoming and how families are so connected with each other. I also love how Sunday night groups are meant for the whole family and to go to the group that I do attend and watch the interaction between family members brings me no greater joy. But at the same time, it brings me sadness.

I don't even know how to end this. My mind is racing, yet still at the same time. I, without question, have some more praying to do. I know that God is the source of everything and within that I should be able to find wholeness... I hope I do. I hate this feeling of being incomplete.

I'm just wondering...

So my aunt's getting married Nov. 6th. We've started to get to the details that are fun, such as flower arrangments and shower invitations. I had fun making both and was excited to know that she loved them. Her colors are wine and silver. Not the easiest colors to work with when it comes to flowers, but it turned out really neat.

She is so excited and fun to watch. Randomly she was just blurt out, "I'm getting married! Isn't that exciting?!?" You can just see the happiness and joy that is in her life. Not that she didn't have it before, but it has just been increased to a whole new level.

Then there are the two dear friends of mine that recently got married. I had the honor of helping them as well. I spent tonight with them helping with the "tear down" of the flower arrangments and then having dinner. They were too cute. They also have the happiness and joy that has advanced to a different level. Praise God for the blessings He showers down on us. Married or not...

I will confess, as if it wasn't obvious, that I want to move on to this different level of joy and happiness with someone else in my life. It isn't any less or more than the joy that I can have being single, just different. I am very greatful for the things that I have learned while being single. I believe that I will be a better wife someday having learned things now. And I know that I have way more to learn, but I'm ready to start that journey. I'm ready to step out and push and develope my character. Yes there are things to continue working on until that time does come and I will continue to strengthen my character in my current relational status, but I'm ready to be able to do that with someone at my side. I'm just wondering when God thinks I'll be ready... or when he (whom ever he is...) will be ready.

As tired as I am waiting, I'm willing to wait longer until God has completed in us all He wants to complete. I just pray that I can continue to grow and learn until then.

Lord don't let it be long. You know my heart. You know my desires. They are yours. Help me let go to the things I want and hold tightly to the things You desire... and if they are the same... allow them to come to be and be strong.

So I typed this really long blog today... I mean really long... as in I typed for 40 min. And when I went to publish it, I had lost my internet connection and lost the whole document. I wasn't to happy as I had really shared a lot of my thoughts and growth points from this weekend. Not that they needed to be published, but it was one of those blogs that you knew you would want to go back to later and read how God has worked and be able to reflect.

Well, now I am way to tired to retype the whole thing... so maybe I'll have to type it out tomorrow, but for now I must go to bed. My eyes are burning and I can't seem to function or think properly.

Without knowing what the blog was about and without me going into great detail, please be praying that God will continue to move in my life and teach me things. I've come to realize the needs of those around me that don't know Christ personally. I've had a burden for one individual and his family in particular, but through an experience this weekend, I've also had a renewed compassion (so to speak) for my brother.

Ok, I guess if I had just started typing you would know at least half by now, but I'll have to tell you later.

Have you noticed...

dots. I like dots. Of course, that isn't the technical term for them, but nontheless... dots. I always seem to use them in my titles and in the middle of my written thoughts. Just another wierd quirk about me I guess.

So today was school day number 10 and a very interesting one at that. I'm learning more and more the art of dealing with parents and learning to love them as Christ loves them. Let me tell ya... it isn't easy for me. Some parents I wish I could just sit down with them and explain how cmmunication works, what their child is really doing when under our supervision and how they could better everyone's lives if they just learn to read the newsletter. However, that would be giving parenting instructions when I have no real life experience and stepping over the line of administrating. I just wish that perfection wasn't held over our heads by the parents. Not all parents are this way, but the ones that are... they verbalize everything and have no problem laying it all out.

I can't wait for the time of year when parents start coming in and just to say hi without words to follow. No complaints, no needs, no questions. Ha! Right! That isn't going to happen.

Anywayz, it is now day 5 of my sprained ankle and I think it is getting better. Although the bruise is just now really starting to show, the swelling overall has gone done (just a touch, but down) and I can walk almost normal and without pain. Great improvment from Tuesday.

What else...

My little brother turned 21 this past Wednesday. That is just way to weird. I know that I am getting older, but he is still 17 in my mind. It is to much to think that he is entering the "adult world." I hope that he is able to make it. He doesn't have must experience. But, then again, neither did I when I started out and I'm doing well.

Oh! My best friend is moving to California very soon and Saturday is the last day that I am going to be able to see her. We don't really get to spend a lot of time together, as she lives in Cincinnati right now, but we have been able to see each other once every three or four months. Considering our income levels, now it is going to be once every three to for years! I'll miss her.

Well, I must go. A lot to do and little time to do it in.

Pain is realitive...

So, I went camping this weekend with two wonderful families in the church. We had a great time. Lots of down time with nothing to do except listen to what surrounded you and be content with nothing to do. This was actually hard for me, as I like to be on the go most of the time. I don't mind down time every now and then, but for three days it was harder than I thought. We played some and took a couple short trips in to town for ice and such, but they were in short snipits and mainly becuase it was to hot outside to do much of anything.

St. Mary's lake is beautiful and I did enjoy the couple of walks to the lakefront. We also played volleyball and colored a lot. And yes, although we were camping, we watched a movie one night.

The most eventful, yet the least exciting thing that happened, was me spraining my ankle. I wasn't shocked that it had happened... it has been three years, I was due, but I was shocked at how embarrased I was. Apparently I have more pride than I thought and that disgusted me. Nonetheless, I did sprain it pretty good and only after having twisted the other ankle earlier in the day. The first ankle (my right) was one of the times I was playing volleyball with Lex... just hitting it back and forth. My right ankle gave out on my and I gently fell (at least in comparrison to the other fall to be told in a little while) and just laughed it off. I went ahead and wrapped it, however, so it would stay strong for the rest of the weekend. It didn't stay wrapped long, because I needed my ace bandage for the other ankle about three hours later.

This time I was coming out of the camper and carrying a glass of water. When I went to step on the ground, I stepped on a portion that was way unlevel and took a bad spill. My left ankle actually cracked. My leg went numb from the knee down almost immediately and I got so sick to my stomach. Everyone was afraid that I had injured myself on the steel steps, but I hadn't touched them at all. I am now convinced that pain is relative. My right ankle felt as if absolutely nothing had happened to it, now. After taking two good minutes just to get into a chair, of which I quickly got out of because the blood was rushing then to my ankle... I did the traditional ice and elevation. I've gone through this process now so many times that I honestly hope that I never have to go through it again.

The amazing part is that I didn't spill the water! Don't ask me how... I don't know.

Oh well. It happens and most likely it will not be the last time. I should probably be on crutches, and if I were to submit to that level of helplessness, this will be the third time for this ankle alone... in the last 10 years.

I'm back...

Initially I was going to surf the net with my wonderful new connection for themes and ideas for my aunt's bridal shower. However, I felt that it would be far more fun to blog about crazy things that have happened lately.

Not to many crazy things have happened really... just normal stuff, but I did have one of the most hilarious phone conversations with Tonia tonight. (Tonia is the aunt getting married.) She was giving me her and Daniel's story about how they met and how he proposed. I was getting crazy details like what he was wearing the Sunday morning she saw him in church after having only met him once at a cookie party around Christmas time with two of her girl friends! I must say that the outfit was rather rememberable. According to Tonia, he was wearing green pants (he says that they are brown), a blue sweater with a cream strip and white tennis shoes "ya know... with the little 'n' on them." :)

Anywayz, she is quite nutty and admits to the fact, but it makes life interesting and fun all at the same time.

I can't believe how soon the wedding is. It isn't until November 6th, but it feels like he just proposed. Which, really wasn't all that long ago, I guess. He proposed May 28th, after having "officially" been dating for two months exactly and having only known her for a total of 6 months. That seems a little short to me, but I know that things will work. They are both hometown kind of people who will never leave Urbana, OH. And, to prove my point all the more, Daniel bought my great grandmother's house (Tonia's grandma) after which she moved in with one of her daughters. I've only met him twice now, but I trust her and everyone else in the family seems to love him... so why shouldn't I?

Well, I suppose I should go. I'm camping tomorrow and I haven't packed a thing. I'm also really looking forward to sleeping tonight. I had a one-hour massage today (Thank you middle aged blogger... :) ) and hopefully will have a good nights rest.

Good night...

the web... at home!

How cool is this? I can now type in my home at my luxury. Anywayz, I don't really have much else to say... so... see ya later.

thought...

The lies that are allowed to sink in do the most hurt.

(From "a Thousand Paths to happiness" by David Baird)